Wednesday, 29 February 2012

I'm off , I'm off, I'm off
It hasn't really sunken in yet, in some ways I feel like a young child who becomes overexcited about the slightest thing. I also know that there will be 5-6 days where gear just wont be accessible which is great but it means the real battle begins when I get home. Anyway it's a beautiful day & I've got a trillion things to do, Catch ya later
Respect to all............xxKarl

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Change Change Change !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Life with no change is no life.

If our lives are the sum total of our experience's & we have no experience's, we have NO LIFE.

Change is the only constant.

So at the end of the day if we don't enjoy an experience at least we can claim it as an education!

Well why not ?

Waske up erveryone! It's Sunday morning & the Sun is shining !

Friday, 24 February 2012

I've not long done a posting, have a ton of housework to do but I have feelings & they need to be vented. I've just had an emergency meeting with my key-worker who's a lovely person, definitelyy in the right proffesion & most importantly ON MY SIDE !

There have been a lot of busts over the past couple of days in N. Devon so anyone around here or anywhere else for that manner be on your utmost guard. I warned 1 person who thought they were safe,arranged to go see them, decided to have 1 extra pint on the way(thank goodness),, & as I turned into their street the vans had beat me to it & the dog was being taken in. Thanks to my phone call they came away empty handed. People seem to be so quick to open their mouths to save their own hides it's becoming difficult to trust anyone !

My key-worker has advised, told, demanded, pleaded with me to go to the Dr's concerning my mental health, which is fair enough because I'm not just generally depressed, I'm on the verge of a breakdown, if it wasn't for this upcoming trip I'm sure something bad would 've happened by now. Another drug dependency seems a strange thing to ask for at the moment. I tried prozac for 1year & it had absolutely no effect but I'll go along & see him,more support in whatever form may be a good thing.

I think the main issue is I've lost confidence in myself & replaced it with drugs & drink, these are the issues that need to be sorted & after that other issues if they exist will be easier to resolve (I hope). To have faith in oneself .

I've been called away on business so I will end my moaning their for now.
Thanks for reading will & will hopefully have something good to share next posting.


Thursday, 16 February 2012

The January Blues

Should have seen it coming really,Christmas is always a difficult when I'm separated from family . Of course, I know I'm lucky to have one . I'm not really talking about parents or even the family of friends who I've built up over the years who are often more family than family, but there doesn't seem to be many of them around much anymore, they've either moved on with new lives, died, in prison or just simply lost touch.If truth be known , I've lost touch with so many good friends over the years through pure laziness(usually caused by drugs). The sadness which effects me is not being with my children. I KNOW most of it is my own fault but that doesn't seem to matter when all I can feel is my heart being ripped apart. One year my mother suggested calling them, this idea just seemed to hurt even more & I fled in floods of tears.

It's way past time I started moving on with my life & yesterday I began by not taking Heroin. As everyone knows there has been a terrible drought, I for one have wasted hundrerds of £'s on shit that more than likely hasn't even had any gear in it. Well recently there's been some fairly good gear about but the bags have been 0.12-0.15 if you're lucky. Of course I've been stupid enough to spend up to £60 a day, having 2 fairly decent hits. Then some even better gear turned up from Barnstable but it wasn't available to the general junkie population. The only reason I got hold of it is because I had access to cheap valium.

This put the crazy idea of going to Bristol fetching a parcel & making a fortune. As you can imagine this went  terribly wrong, I'm not going to go into details because it's just the usual fuck ups that seem to surruond gear ie. "you should have been here yesterday". Needless to say I ended up taking most of the parcel myself,, getting very depressed, out of it & even more in debt.

I visited the girls about 2weeks after Christmas & gave them their presents but it's just not the same. Trying to get 3 teenage girls together for a family event is like trying to cut stone with paper, there always seems to be one with plans of their own. In fact the only reason we all got together was because it was my ex's fathers70th birthday.

This post is a whingey post about me & me missing my daughters & Grand daughter. I know I've got to get over it, visit them more, stop letting gear get in the way & GROW UP.

Love to all ...... Karl

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Piss takers- Fuck off

Recovering from a huge binge, have to go to work now tell you about it later!

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Just a quick note to(as it's 4am.) to let people know what's going on!
The sun was shining yesterday but I wasn't . I did get some work done, outside in the freezing cold, stood at the top of a ladder. Hopefully if it's nice tomorrow I'll get loads done.
I've been taking far too many drugs, using everyday £30-£40 worth of gear, taking valium everyday & drinking everyday. I think I need help?
1piece of good news, I have a flight booked to go to Switzerland at the begining of March, it's only 5days but I honestly can't remember the last holiday I had.
So Goodnight everyone,
Love to all xkarl