Thursday, 15 March 2012

Just A Thought !

The mist has been circling for days now, not just in my mind but all around me, it just keeps swirling up from the sea day after day.
Thought is very precious, but one thought always comes to mind " IGNORANCE IS BLISS!"
"If only."
If only I hadn't taken that first bite, If only my mind would stop racing, there are an infinite if onlys but my mind is always racing back to the same one.
Has humanity always been the same ? Selfish, cruel, brutish & ignorant !
Maybe Mother Nature has the answer ?
Since that is from where we came !
I doubt it ! Even if we are the end product of her.
We are in the wilderness, always struggling to do what we interprete as right, though tomorrow it maybe wrong !

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Heroin, My Life, My Wife ?!?!?!

Trying to break the habit.
It's like some kind of fucked up divorce ! Heroin will quite possibly be my mistress for ever but I'll be damned if she ever has control over my life again. I'd like to be able to say "No! never again, I abstain,I do not want you!" . Realistically, that just ain't gonna happen! Just like I'm not going to stop, drinking, smoking dope or any other recreational drug that comes my way.
I've been going round in circles for nearly 20yrs, these words are repetition. Recent events however have stopped me in my tracks & without the help of some amazing friends & family, I'm not sure if I would be here now !
3days ago I smoked a load of gear(nearly a gram), if I could have bought some meth maybe that would have done? maybe not ! It's too late to worry about now. Fucking migraines have a lot to answer for!
Anyway, must get back to work,


Saturday, 10 March 2012

Everything is Nothing, Nothing is Everything !!!!!

I just had to share this because it never ever fails to make me smile !!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

It Never Rains it Pours !

It's been just over a week now since I've used gear. I've also stopped taking those horrible little valium 10's. I'm quite determined to keep to my scipt of 45mls of meth & very slowly bring it down. I don't want to rush this & fuck it up.
 Fortunately I've got some work because vodaphone have sent me a bill for £170 instead of my usual £20. So I've got to trawl through an itemised bill of 910 calls which I really don't think I made. Just to make this a little bit tougher my phone packed up & took all my no.s with it. The next day I got a tax bill for £450 which I haven't got.
I know heroin has got me into this mess so I must stay strong instead of doing what I want to do which is run away & use,use,use. I must have early nights, long days at work & try not to drink so much.
All in all I'm going to be very busy for a while so my posting is going to be a bit disrupted for a while.