Friday, 27 April 2012

Oh Shit, done it again !

I've had a lapse & not a very pleasant one at that, mainly because the gear is so crap. Work has been practically nonexistent which means I've spent my council tax money ,my rent money, my credit card bill money & other such debts that I never had the money for in the 1st place. I'm not against occasional using but it has to be done with ABSOLUTE DISCIPLINE.
 There's no real way round this I've spent the money, kind of enjoyed the drugs & now have to pay the price.I spent a couple of hours feeling depressed this morning but that just isn't going to solve anything is it ?
So, I've done the washing up, gone for a walk along the beach & decided, things have to change, things have to change ,things have to change!
 So 1st. off I'm getting on with decorating my flat, this was already in progress, so far 4windows & 5doors have been done. 2nd Ive got some work for next week and finally there's plenty of food in the cupboards, so when I think about it things could be far far worse.
Life does not magically get better, you have to work on it, I know it's a total cliche` 'but you only get out what you put in'.

Take care everyone & always remember, if you look hard enough you'll always find someone worse off than yourself.  X

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

It's been nearly a month since I last posted, a month of not using, well barely using, I can count the number of times on one hand with one finger left over. That works out at one fuck up per week, to a non user this would seem plenty, but to me it feels like an age has passed between each use. Needless to say each time I've used I've been disappointed, not so much in myself though there is an element of that, but in the gear, which is crap ! It's been over a week since I last used & I really don't have the urge to either, although I dream about using & think about using several times a day. I fantasise about getting home from work & having a dirty big hit which washes away the days aches, pains, loneliness, stress & problems.

But hey ! I am pleased with myself every time I make it to bed without having used so I give myself a little pat on the back & pray I can make it through another day.

Roll on tomorrow, a fresh new day & adventure.