Thursday, 8 November 2012

Changing

Back on track
Haven't used heroin for nearly 3weeks
Stopped drinking high strength lager or vodka for breakfast (for at least a month)
No benzoes
Taking my methadone prescription as directed
Had a haircut (after at least 5yrs)
In a far better place than I was a year ago

But there's so much more I need to accomplish. This is just the beginning.
I believe there is a life after heroin and it is almost within my grasp. My faith isn't quite there yet but its so much stronger than its ever been. Change is occurring, change is gradual, change is so fucking difficult. It's going to take more than a few months to change the habits of half a lifetime, more than sweat and tears. Deprogramming years of self destruction and loathing doesn't happen overnight.

It's a good day to live
Change is essential, change is eternal.
          

Monday, 5 November 2012

Change Part 1

I've got a job interview this afternoon. I'm not sure if I even want the job but that's not the point. What I want is change but change doesn't occur by its own volition, it has to be made, it has to be brought into being by whoever it is that wants it.
I want/need change: Therefore I need to do something about it.  I accept that my first attempts are trial and error but what have I got to lose ? I know that ultimately I have everything to lose if I don't change so so be it. Today I take the 1st. step in believing in myself and  my ability to change the course of my life.